May 20, 2010

Just For Fun . . .

Posted in Creative Writing, Fairytales at 3:49 am by catsinboxes

Once upon a time there was a king and queen.  They lived in a grand castle and had a beautiful daughter.  Her name was Esmerelda Galatia Roberta Geraldine.  And if you think her name is bad, it is nothing compared to its owner.  For, Esmerelda Galatia Roberta Geraldine was awful.  In fact, she was truly a little monster.  At the tender age of two she had bitten her nurse’s nose and refused to let go.  It took three doctors, four courtiers, and the royal dog keeper to pry her mouth open.  The nurse (whose nose never did look the same) was given a life-long pension and a cottage in the middle of the forest.  For some reason, she never liked children again.

At the age of six, Esmerelda had flung her mother’s poodle out the tower window.  It had landed in the moat and would have been all right, if the castle’s crocodile hadn’t eaten it before it could swim to shore.  Her mother had cried and carried on dreadfully, and the king had ordered the crocodile to be killed.  It wasn’t the crocodile’s fault, really.  After all, what would you do if a nice juicy poodle had fallen right under your nose?  And what happened to Esmerelda? Well, her mother did tell her that she was “a very naughty girl.”  But Esmerelda didn’t care, she just laughed and ran off to find some other mischief.

At the age of fourteen, Esmerelda used her father’s battle axe and tried to cut down the oldest oak tree in the garden.  She didn’t get very far because it was a very big tree and the axe was soon blunted.  So, she fetched her father’s best sword and kept hacking away.  She was on her way to the armory to get her father’s mace (though how she thought that would have cut down the tree I have no idea) when her father came looking for his sword.  When he found out what Esmerelda had done, he took her over his knee and spanked her with the flat of the sword.  Then Esmerelda cried and carried on, and said it wasn’t fair.  Her father agreed that it wasn’t fair, after all, she had ruined his axe, his sword, and had tried to ruin his mace not to mention damaging his oak tree.  Esmerelda said that she didn’t care what she had done and that she wasn’t sorry.  And her father, who was still quite upset, spanked her again.

After being spanked the second time by her father, Esmerelda decided to run away.  She stormed up to her bedroom and was soon angrily tossing clothes out of her dresser, wardrobe, closet, and trunk.  She tried to pack all the clothes she wanted into a bag, but the bag was too small.  Finally, in a fit of rage, Esmerelda threw the bag out the window.  The wind caught the bag and blew it down into the garden, where it landed on the queen’s poodle.  (If you can’t tell, the queen liked poodles.)

The poodle, who was quite a foolish dog, started running about wildly, trying to get the bag off.  It ran right into the moat and was promptly eaten by the new castle crocodile.  As you will have guessed, the queen cried and carried on, and told the king it was all his fault.  The king had never liked the poodle, and he was still in a bad mood because the armorer had just told him that both his sword and battle axe were ruined.  He said it wasn’t his fault at all, it served the poodle right for being so silly.  The queen grew quite distraught and tried to throw her gardening trowel at the king.  It didn’t hit the king, but it did hit the crocodile who had been watching all these events with the contentment that only comes after one has consumed a small, plump lap dog.  The crocodile didn’t like being hit by a trowel, so he started to come out of the moat.  The queen screamed and fainted.  The king bellowed for his sword and then remembered that it wasn’t good any more.  In the pandemonium that ensued, the king and several knights dragged the unconscious queen to safety while an enterprising squire held the crocodile at bay by flinging flower pots at it.  The crocodile didn’t like flower pots being thrown at it and finally retreated sulkily back into the moat.  They were new flower pots, and had just been planted by the queen.

Later, when the queen regained consciousness, she was quite upset at the squire for breaking all those pots and wanted him to be thrown in the dungeon.  The king, who hadn’t forgotten that the trowel had been meant to hit his head said, “Nonsense, and if you don’t stop that racket, I’ll have you thrown in the dungeon for attempting to harm our royal person.”  The queen was about to have hysterics but then thought better of it and instead retired to her royal chambers.

In the midst of all this confusion, Esmerelda slipped unnoticed out of the castle . . .

To be continued shortly

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2 Comments »

  1. kristen said,

    haha! I can’t imagine… Love it!

  2. Youngmin said,

    i like it ! you are good writer XD


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